Title: First Came Duty: part 4
Author: blackcherryangel
Game:  Mass Effect
Characters:  Blakely Shepard,  Kaidan Alenko
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful characters.  All are the property of © Bioware.  I just have fun playing around in their universe.

This wasn't her cabin. 

This wasn't her bed.

This wasn't even her shower and yet Blakely was here jeopardizing Kaidan's career instead of leading her team to destroy the probe that disrupted communication channels.  It felt wrong to be sneaking off, but this was their only chance to be together because the request for shore leave was again delayed due to pending circumstances.

Everything from the Blitz to this point  had been a test.  A test to see if she would crack.   A test to see if a woman could rise on her own merit and not favors.  A test to see if she would put her career before a family.  A choice that her mother failed to do and made sure that Blakely knew every moment of her life. She gone further than any Systems Alliance soldier had before the true test began and the end goal was nothing that she could prepared for.

The too warm water struck Blakely's body with a fury.  That only served as a distraction from her problem for a few seconds any way.  She hated the political game.  Originally she didn't know the right people, but slowly the right people sought her out.  Watching her to see if she would crack under pressure like her father did.

She ran her hand over the controls to adjust the water to a comfortable level. Kaidan was the biggest test of all.  She wanted to believe that maybe fortune smiled on her life in giving a companion to fill her lonely life.

It didn't take very long to dry and straighten her hair. She kept it chin length for that reason.  Blakely then made sure her legs were smooth. She continued to get herself dressed  only realizing now that the dress would be a pain to get off in a hurry. She slipped a pair of crew socks over her manicured toes then stuck her feet into the boot. Soldiers should have pretty feet. It was the only bit a pampering she did for herself.

The elevator ride up to the mess hall wasn't too long.

Cinnamon filled the air.  All of the smells and sounds of home filled the mess. Not Blakely's home, but she read about things like this in the classic novels of old Earth.

"Mood lighting?" Blakely asked walking over to Kaidan.

"I can't take credit for that." He said. The aroma warmed her heart.  He handed her a mug of her favorite Earl Grey blend with two honey sticks for stirring just as she liked it. She remembered the first time he'd brought her coffee and she had to break it to him that the gesture was sweet, but she hated the stuff. "Everything's is powered down.  Must conserve resources now that the Alliance is rebuilding."   Kaidan slipped his arm around her waist leading her over to where breakfast was waiting.

It was obvious Kaidan put more thought and effort into this date than she.  He thought of everything.  Real scarlet red roses were placed along the table.  He had prepared a pile French toast for them both.   As she arrived at the table, she noticed a single rose placed into an empty champagne bottle.

After sitting down, Kaidan gave her a kiss on the cheek.  "You look beautiful." He said.

Blakely was nervous.  This was their first real date.   The talks she had with Kaidan were always in public so that no one could gossip about seeing the Lieutenant sneaking in and out of the Commander's cabin.

"So, about us."  Kaidan said joining her at the table.

Blakely careful chewed her mouthful as to now gross him out.  Her insides melted at how good Kaidan's French toast was. "Yeah."

"You're admitting there's an us."

"Us? We don't exist."  Blakely wanted to see if that would get a reaction out of him. He sat there watching.  Damn, he called her bluff evidentially not believing what she said. "Kaidan, we can't exist as long as I am your commanding officer.  Are you crazy? The Alliance is just looking for looking for an excuse to bust up my team.   Breaking regulations is  just handing them the ammo to blow what we are trying to accomplish apart."  Why am I trying to ruin this moment?  "That would mean the end of us."

"I want there to be an us."  Kaidan sat up straight intensely focused on her.

Blakely avoided his gaze and started to make a smiley face in the syrup with her finger on the plate. She turned the  plate so he could see the smiley face. She kept holding her mouth open for him to feed her a bit more toast.

"What am I going to do with you?" Kaidan  sliced another bit of the French toast and fed it to her. "You would allow a little distance be then end."  He sat back  and stirred  the syrup on  their plate with the fork. "You don't realize this isn't a fling for me Shepard.  If it was, I would have ended it after Ilos and accepted my transfer after the ceremonies."

"Anderson running interference is the only thing keeping you here on the Normandy and part of my team. You think we can handle the separation?"

"If this is real we'll be able to."  Kaidan smiled.  "I have a little something extra planned for later."

"What would that be?"

"Wait and see.  I've called you Shepard, Ma'am or Commander from the time we met.  Which do you prefer to be called?  Blake or Blakely?"

"Here I was thinking Shepard was your cute little ole nickname for me. Trading one last name for another. Does it really matter?"

"You hate your name."  Kaidan sounded surprised.  "Is there a story behind the name?"

"I've never preferred it.  My mother hating giving up her last name to marry my father.  She named me her maiden name."  She said. "I like watching you say my name.  And hearing you say my name.  I prefer Blakely.  I've accomplished enough that I don't have to pretend I'm a man on the paperwork. I think everyone knows who I am."

"You never told me what exactly happen to you father."

"You think you've earned the right to know all of my secrets, Kaidan."

"If you don't feel comfortable talking about this."

"Same thing that happens to most promising officers.  A mission goes terribly wrong  People. Innocent people are killed.  You are forced to take the blame even though circumstances are beyond your control."

"Did you have a pet as a child?"

"We're playing twenty questions?"  She took another sip of her tea.

"You know all about my past.  Well, the highlights anyway.  This is the first chance I've had to get to know you."

"Parents never allowed me to have one.  We transferred a lot.  Never wanted the responsibility when I got older."

"When things settle down I'm going to get you one."

"You going to just pick out one for me.  I'd say start out with a goldfish, but you probably should find me something I can't kill."

"I'll surprise you.  I'll find one that suits your personality.  Besides, it will be great practice for when we. . ."

Blakely loved that fact that Kaidan's self edit button had two modes.  It was on or off no subtle lines of grey with him. "Your biotics are amazing." She mentioned to change the subject.  "I was there when you lifted that Armature on Ilos as my gun jammed from overheating.  You saved my ass."

"I'm not going to allow anything to happen to you on my watch.  Not when I can do something to prevent it."

"It's nice having someone watching my back because he wants to and not because I ordered him to."

"You inspire loyalty.  People will follow you into the abyss not knowing if they will come out alive."

"There's no doubt in my mind who's the better biotic between us.  I hear the Alliance is coming out with a L4 implant.  Would you get retrofitted?"

"Not eager to go under the knife."

Blakely's tone changed from cheerful to concerned.  "But if it would help with the migraines." 

"You want to know what helps with  the migraines."  Kaidan pulled her closer to him.  He took her hand in his placing it on his temple.  "Apply some pressure."  He closed his eyes.   "A bit more.  A bit more." He let out a sigh of relief. "That's it."

"Does this really help?   I think you just like having my breasts within arms reach."

"I can't do much with them since you have them all covered up." Clearing his throat he added. "Yes.  You're a biotic.  This helps redirect the currents.  It releases some of the built up pressure."

"Sounds like your talking about something else."

Kaidan kissed her.  "I need you, Blakely."

She was worried that the Alliance might transfer him to another vessel.  She didn't want to admit it to him, but she needed him as well.

"I'm not going anywhere Blakely.  I'll be here for a couple of weeks max. Garrus and Tali will shut down that beacon and then the reports are filed.  That gives us some time together before the Alliance takes the facility over.  I'm an Alliance soldier, but I believe in what your doing.  I plan to help you stop the Reaper threat anyway I can."

"With Wrex gone, my team is already coming apart.  This crew is my family.  I will die for everyone here.  You all mean that much to me."

"The team you have built is just fine. Garrus is going to get the job done.  He's efficient,  but dangerous.  He artfully dances through the task and deals with the consequences later.  He's not going to let you down.  Tali is coming into her own under your command. Then there's Miss Perfection."

"Liara."

He mumbled. "She's an ass."

"Kaidan."

"Asset.  Really, I was going to say asset."

"You still don't like her."

"It's not about liking her."  He pulled back.  "No, I don't like her.  She still throws herself at you every chance she get."

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not with Liara. She researching the Prothean-Reaper connection to help us find a  way to destroy them once they find a way here from dark space."

"Then why is she always reminding me that mind melding with you was the best thing she's experienced in her entire life.  And that lady is old."

"Stop letting her push your buttons."

"She just waiting for me do mess up so she can make a move on you."

She heard everything he was saying but, they hadn't been together intimately since that night before Ilos.  Blakely stood up not wanted to argue with him during this precious time together.

"Leaving?" Kaidan asked not sure what was going on.

Building a new family was important to Blakely.  She was closer to her crew on the Normandy that she was to any member of her family. Blakely shook her head no.    She walked up to him in between his legs.  She lowered placed her arms around his  neck.   Blakely looked at the love of her life.  Kaidan always looked so serious.

He grabbed her around the waist halting her progression. "Stop changing the subject. We were discussing."

She softly touched her lips on his. Two biotics getting together was tricky.  Tiny currents passed between their lips heightening every sensation felt.  Kaidan's resolve was melting. "We were"  She pressed into him and gave him the  kiss she'd waited on all day.

Title: Present: part 2
Author: blackcherryangel
Game: Dragon Age 2
Characters:  Fenris, Amber Hawke, Anders
Disclaimer:  I don't own any of these wonderful characters.  All are the property of Bioware.

Regrets. That night Fenris had  been so sure that he'd done the right thing leaving Hawke. Tonight forced him to admit he was wrong about that and more.  His simmering desire for her had not cooled.  He needed to show her his worth.  Fenris continued up the stairs not sure what he might discover.   As a slave, Fenris had nothing to offer her.    Not that Hawke asked anything of him.  It confused him how everyone believed they were still together, everyone but Isabela and . . .

Anders.

Anders and Hawke were both apostates at different ends of the spectrum.  Fenris hated to admit it, but Anders skills as a healer made him one best he'd ever encountered.  Hawke's pure destructive power rivaled those powers of the Tevinter magisters.   Her magic was different from her diplomatic demeanor.  She refused to use blood magic.  Fenris knew too well that the true depths of her powers had not been tapped into yet.

Fenris remembered Carver telling him as their group returned from Vimmark Mountains that there was a reckless streak in Anders that reminded Hawke of her father. During that journey, she learned that her father kept secrets.  Fenris gut told him Anders had his secrets as well.  Whether Hawke refused to see that deception or she planned to help him no matter what the cost, he couldn't decide.

They sat on the floor huddled together sharing things that Anders believe no one would never understand.   Papers spread out before them. Magic scrolls maybe?  Anders's manifesto?  A plate of sweets was the only thing between them.  Anders read aloud gesturing with his free hand which was constantly, accidentally brushing against Hawke's shoulder.  Hawke didn't look like she was buying any of his lies, but sat there enjoying his reading anyway.

Fenris thought on the times when he and Hawke would spend evenings sharing a bit of bread and cheese after they'd both cleaned up after a battle.  Sometimes talking late into the night after a night of drinking too much cheap ale at the Hanged Man.  While he escorted her home,  he thought about this foreign emotion called love that he had no recollection of.  As much as he dreamed each night of them having a future together where they destroyed evil things by day and she would come to his bed at night, their bodies joined comforting each other with passion until the dawn. Whatever was going on between them could not last forever. She was nobility and he. Well, he was nothing more than a slave.

Hawke snatched the page out of Anders's hand.  "It doesn't say that." She said as they shared a laugh.

The times he and Hawke stayed up late talking of nothing of great importance never ended turned into anything as playful as this.

"But you left out  a important piece of information."  She continued.  "How are we to educate all of these apostates as they come into their power?"

"That's where you come in." Anders said.

"I'm to start a school now. In between the battles and politics?"

Why was he always smiling at her in that way?  

Fenris didn't want there to be a fight so he suppressed the urge to rip Anders lips off his face.   If this ended badly it would just prove that everything that Anders said about him was true.  He was concerned about what the abomination thought of him only because he had Hawke's ear.  I'm not an animal.  Every Tevinter mage he'd ever came in contact with thought of him being no better than a dog.  And he didn't mean Mabari.  The Fereldens had a reverence  for their Mabari hounds.

Anders place his arm around Hawke and took the page back from her. "I find myself unable to stay away from you.  It's quite cruel of you know."

"I thought you didn't want to be tied down to anything, to anyone but the cause."  Hawke poked him the emphasize her point.

"Being around you all these years.  It has changed my stance on several things. It caused me to want things I have no right to ask for any longer." Anders said. "I  . . . care about you, Amber.    Being with you like this reminds me of what my life was like before I changed.  When I agreed to host Justice,  I believed justice would be  swift.  But this revolution is taking longer than expected."

"Anders you must fight to keep that which is human in you alive."  Her concern over Anders losing himself to Justice was genuine.  He eavesdropped on her telling him the lessons her father taught her. She understood the dangers being a mage posed. "And as far as this revolution goes. Be patient.  It won't do the movement any good if we mages become what they fear most to gain our freedom."

"I try.  Sometimes, I  don't know.  I'm still not sure how much I should tell you." Suddenly, he became serious.  "I will prevent my taint from spoiling you.  You are the best of us. What all mages should be. You move with such ease through the political scene here."

"I'm not special.  I couldn't keep my family safe."

Fenris watched Anders lean closer to her in an attempt to seduce her.  Why hadn't she moved out of his reach?  If Isabela knew how Anders felt, then everyone in their tight group knew.  Along with everyone  at the Hanged Man. Hawke looked down at the plate of sweets between them.  That cause her mass of dark wavy curls to fall and cover her face.  Anders seized the opportunity to playfully tuck her hair  behind her ear.  How dare she smile back at him. As Anders moved in closer, Hawke popped one of the sweet confections into his mouth.

"Good isn't it?"

His lips lingered too long on her fingertip for Fenris's liking. "Delicious."

Fenris removed Hawke's scarf from his wrist and slammed it down to the floor. "Maybe you should stop feeding strays.  You'll never get rid of him now."

"Fenris?"  Hawke got up off of the floor and stood between them. She almost stepped on the plate. Instinctive, she avoided it. "You decided to come."  

He couldn't read her.  She didn't look angry or relieve to see him.  Did she enjoy the attention Anders gave her?  Could he blame her after the way he walked out on her after the most amazing night of his life.  He couldn't remember his life before.  That was until the memories came and left like slow currents washing the blood away.   

He noticed Anders's eyes moving from her calf up to her thighs.  It reveal her thighs nicely toned  after all these years of walking.  He saw a satisfying  smile form on the mage's lips.  It bothered him that Anders had no shame in fawning all over Hawke.

"Amber, what kind of man would leave such a lovely hostess to wait indefinitely for him to come around.  Dinner was served  hours ago."  Anders poured more wine in the goblet.  He filled Hawke's as well.  Anders drank from the goblet, but he didn't move from the floor.   "What could he have to do that's more important than you?"

"My coming and goings are not your concern mage."  Fenris said.

"You conveniently forget that Amber is a mage as well."  Anders's tone and intent changed.  It challenged Fenris.  He drained the last of the wine from the cup.  He rose then stood slightly behind Hawke. "If your going to be this late wolf, then why show up at all."  

Fenris cracked his neck to release the tension that was building up within him.  He kept his rage to a minimum.  He wouldn't cause a scene in  Hawke's home.  But he planned to catch that mage  alone and force and understanding on this matter.

"This is not happening here."  Hawke said.

"But he started it." Anders pouted.

"Do you wish to be alone with him?"  Fenris demanded.

"Who does he think he is,  Lord of your estate?  He makes no decisions here.  He can't tell you who you can receive in your home."

"I was talking to Hawke."  Fenris  barked.

"No, I was talking to her." Anders moved past Hawke standing toe to toe with Fenris.

Fenris laughed. Did Justice rise up to make him this bold. "I'm here to stop that."  Fenris didn't understand the feeling swelling up in him. The final straw was seeing them together.  He wanted her back.  He wanted all the things that everyone thought about them being a couple to be true.

"Stop this or I'll put you both out of my home." Hawke said. "Go downstairs, Anders."

"Him.  Him.  You always pick him."  Anders turned away from  Fenris to look at Hawke.  "Are you sure you'll be okay?"   

"Yes.  I'll be fine."

"That's good."  He put a charming smile back on his face.   "I'll leave, but only because you ask so nicely."

"Thank you."

"You know the way out." Fenris grumbled as Anders walked past him.

"So do you, Fenris.  So do you."  Anders causally tossed out as he descended down the stairs.

"Anders hasn't looked you in the eyes yet."  Fenris gave Hawke his full attention.  She still looked mad.

"Anders is just being Anders. He just completed his latest manifesto and he want me to read it."

"Really."   It was as it had been before he saw her as more than a mage.  He would rage  and  she would be diplomatic.   Later proving that he was wrong about her.  

"He's  excited."  She said.

"I bet he is."

Hawke let out a sigh that contained all of the longing and frustrations she had to feel within.  "I shouldn't have to explain myself to you."  There it was once again.  The sadness in Hawke's eyes made it hard for him to focus.  What could he do?  "I don't owe you an explanation."

She was correct.  His heartbeat slowed with the realization that if she hadn't been cursed with a mage's blood, she would never have met him. There would be no need for  her to accept an odd low paying job from Anso.  Running from the slavers would still be his life.  Stealing food and coin to have a temporary shelter always living in the shadows.  

He wanted everyone gone when he arrived.  Maybe, he should just go as well.  This was silly.  What if she didn't like it? The most expensive jewels he could afford was not deserving of the title and respect she had earned. Instead of explaining all the emotions that were swirling around in his head he snapped.  "Did you two have to hide in corners to read it?"

"How can you hide in the middle of an open room, Fenris?"

He bit down on the inside of his cheek.  He didn't want to yell at her.  He wanted to do so much more than yell at Hawke.   That night he had been the one ask if she was hurt.  Making sure that she was okay.   It hurt him that he made her so angry.

"I should not have come here."

"Don't go." Her voice cracked.

"Why do you want me to stay?"

"I don't know.  I can't explain.  You make this a struggle for me."

Fenris decided not to run this time.  He opened the pouch on his belt that contained the necklace.   "I have something for you."